Recently I gave birth to my second baby. My first child is only 20 months. During this month of recovery at home, I had a lot of opportunities to think while doing many repetitive tasks in caring for the newborn. I thought about my new stage of life as a mother, along with the seemingly endless repetitive daily duties I need to do. It is easy for one to lose vision when each day seems to be the same as the other, in doing things that seem to make very little difference to anyone, except the little baby that doesn’t yet know what is happening. How can I keep my heart for the Lord? How can I stay motivated? How can I still be useful to help others when I am physically exhausted and I need the little time left that I have for myself to sleep? The more I thought, the more I felt hopeless for my situation. I had no strength to help myself, and the situation will not change.
However, I am thankful for the everlasting way. When I come before the Lord in the morning, and throughout the day, although the time is almost always short, my heart can be renewed and my mind set right. By beholding the Lord and the truth, I realize that I am not relying on myself to be strong, to be influential to others, to love the Lord or to save the world. I need the Lord, the work of the Holy Spirit in me to give me strength, to let me have continual joy and hope in doing all things. My meaning of life is not just to go out and preach the gospel. Rather, more importantly, it is to be close to God in my everyday life. I ought to treasure this stage of life right now: to enjoying living with the Lord, practicing and be skillful in the everlasting and Finishing way despite being busy in repetitive tasks. And when the time is right, when I am stronger and more skillful, I will be ready, and the Lord can still send me. Along the way, I can still affect many people, because when someone is close to God, no matter what they are doing, they will have the aroma of Christ. This is not the first time I have come to this conclusion, and yet each time I reconsider this and set my mind right again, the truth is imprinted more concretely in my heart, and I am more determined to continue on this way. I am very blessed to be in Vancouver, where there is so much support in spiritual pursuit. I must not lose heart. I need the Lord, I need this family, and this family needs me to be close to God! My children also need their mother to be close to God!