When I first came to Vancouver, I was in my teens. I did not know about how to take care of myself and the culture in Canada. I felt lost. I did not know why I was here. I asked myself, departing from my loved ones to a new surrounding is hard and full of suffering, was I here for studying only? Why do I need to leave my comfortable life to be here? Why do I need to adapt to a new environment and new language? So I started to search around to find the meaning of my life, by doing volunteer work. At the same time, I was new in Vancouver and I was curious about many things such as clubbing, drinking, partying, and so on. Also, as young people, it is easy for us to imitate or follow the peer group to do meaningless things. But by doing all these, my heart still felt empty, and all the entertainment could not satisfy me. I had searched for meaning of life for about half a year. Finally, I met the Church sisters having the similar experiences with me and also giving me the sense of understanding. They preached the gospel to me. From then on, I no longer searched or wandered around in this world. Now, I know clearly why I left my loved ones and my hometown to be here. This is because I live for, live with and live through my beloved Jesus Christ.
In the past, before I believed in the Lord, I always felt emptiness in my heart. It was because I knew that one day I will die and all things will pass away. I couldn’t find the true meaning of life. Though I had a good job, a boyfriend and spent lots of money on clothing and entertainment, my heart still couldn’t be satisfied by these things.
But at the very moment, I accepted the Lord as my Savior, everything changed. After I prayed the prayer, I wanted to know if the Lord wanted to say something to me. So I opened the Bible, though I didn’t know where to read. I randomly flipped to Psalm 39. When I read it, I found that the word “future” stood out to me.
In the past, I heard about heaven and eternal life for many times, but I just didn’t know that they were for real. But when I really read the Bible after the prayer, I experienced that the Lord opened my spiritual eyes and let me see the truth. I didn’t mean that I saw what happened in the eternity, but I just realized that there’s a life after death. I knew for sure that eternity is real. Then, I became very happy because I knew I gained something that will last forever. This experience totally changed my values and my pursuit. I grasped the chance to pursue the Lord and live my life for eternity.
I had thought of committing suicide. This may not sound new to you, but it could be horrific. After I believed in God, I didn’t tell too many sisters about this incident. Why did I want to commit suicide? I felt that living had no meaning. Why should I live in this world? I don’t know my future. What kind of job will I do after my graduation? What kind of people will I meet in my future job? I wonder if I can survive in this society. A few older brothers and sisters told me that I am not suitable to work in society. This is true that I have no sense of direction. I found that I was so lost when I thought of my future. Where should I go? Although my parents could arrange a job for me, I didn’t know what I want and what was suitable for me. My temper was bad. I beat up my younger brother and sister and had severely reprimanded them. They were afraid of me. My attitude to them was bad. Let me put it in this way. I am very nice to people as long as they are not my family members. When I was in primary school, my foundation of Mathematics was poor. There was a time that all the students in my class got the results of the Math examination. My classmates checked each other’s result, which was very impolite. There was a classmate who was very good in Math, but with poor manners. This classmate laughed at me ironically with a pointing finger. All of my classmates laughed at my poor Math result. I had low self-esteem. My mom knew that My Math was poor and found me a private tutor. I found that it didn’t help so I gave up. My mom felt so helpless. One day, my mom got the big sister from the neighborhood to give me tutorial class. With no reason, I rejected her. She would argue with me easily. To me, she was just like those people who worked in the market. I didn’t find that she was suitable to teach me. There were many times that I couldn’t accept her. One day, when I had the tutorial class, I didn’t say a word to her. She was angry and criticized me. Then, I went to my room without saying a word. I closed the door quietly and sat on the window sill. After quite a while, they came to open my door and saw that I was sitting on the window sill. They were shocked and kept asking me to come down from the window sill for the tutorial class. I threatened them that if they kept asking me to study Math, I would jump over the window. Then she said, “Ok, I left. Please come down quickly, don’t jump.”
After I believed in God, I have changed a lot. God changed my temper. I am nice to my younger brother and sister. I don’t beat them up any more. I don’t give them severe reprimands. I am happy to see them grow up and be well behaved. My parents are very happy to see my change. Now I know my life path because I have God to guide me and get help from brothers and sisters. Now, I have direction in my life and won’t get lost. I know the Lord who knows everything will give me encouragement, nice surprise and make me happy all the way. The Lord knows what I need in my life journey. He teaches me how to interact with people, and how to strive for Him.【I want to tell everyone about God. I have no regret to believe in God and to have the chance to come to the Church and meet many brothers and sisters. I felt the abundant love and strength in this big family, which gives me a feeling of home in Vancouver. I am happy and blessed. I would like to give thanks to one person. She is not my parent, but a teacher in a private school, Alice. She gave me a big surprise on my baptism day. Many brothers and sisters whom I didn’t know gave me gifts and cards filled with their blessings. I never received so many gifts and flowers. I am very happy that Teacher Alice takes care of me in school. When I am unhappy with something, she will help me and give me advice. Thanks to Alice that she brought me to the Church, so I believe in God. I hope that there will be many people around me, no matter that they are study or work, may believe in God. 】
Every morning, phone pray with May helps me to build a habit of getting up early. When we worship and pray, I enjoy the presence of God. I get to know Abba and the Lord better. My faith grows as time goes. Now, I find that I can face my challenges with peace in my heart. And the capacity of love is enlarged. In the past, I usually think of myself; but now, I think of how to preach gospel to my parents and pray for them.
One evening in the middle of the year of 1999, I was home after work. I was alone in an apartment for expatriate in Shanghai, a luxury apartment. The Lord asked me if I was happy with my life. I told the Lord that “No!” A few months later, I was suspected to have cancer. When I was waiting for the result of my medical examination, I seriously thought about how I would like to spend the rest of my life. If I really got cancer, I may die in a few years. I clearly knew that I didn’t want to work for money. I wanted to let more people to know about God. I wanted more people to taste the goodness of God and be the blessing to the world.
After a few weeks, the medical report showed that I didn’t have cancer, but I had decided to quit my job as I really had no wisdom to count how many days I still had in my life. This decision changed the course of my life. The Lord guided me to Vancouver in year 2000, where I experienced Him unaccountable times. God heals my body and uplifts my spirit. I found that life is truly an upward journey since then.