Growing up in a Christian family, I knew a lot about God and did many things because of Him. However, I lacked the heart to heart direct experience from Him. I knew He was good, and that I want to love Him, but sometimes I just couldn’t feel His closeness, like how my parents or older brothers and sisters could do. My turning point came when I was a teenager at a special camp in the summer. I remember during the time that we worshipped, I felt God coming very close to me. I finally understood what God’s presence was and I felt God calling for me. I felt the Lord spoke to my heart that He needed me and my whole heart to love Him. I was very touched and felt that He truly deserved my life and my all to love Him. I felt it is the most worthy to love Him. Later, I made the commitment to God that I would love Him with my whole heart and lay aside other things such as friends, relationships and other things that would distract me from loving Him wholeheartedly.
As my spirit progressed to experience Him more, I faced some challenges in between. Sometimes, because I had made that commitment to the Lord, I would feel pressure when I wasn’t in condition or when I felt that I didn’t do enough for Him. One night, when I thought that I was not loving God enough, I felt the Lord’s gentle presence. The book of Song of Solomon was in my heart. I felt like He was like a gentle young stag peeking through to seek me. One glance of my eyes steals His heart. He understands my limitations and challenges, but when He sees my desire and love for Him, He is satisfied. I felt that I just wanted to love Him, I can forget about my ability or what I can do for Him, but when I have such a heart to face Him, this is what He wants. My concept changed that a life to please God is not complicating my life with more and more things, but the main thing is to be close to Him and enjoy Him as my Beloved and best friend.