Going into the weekend-long camp, I had no expectations. I was more excited to meet and pursue with brothers and sisters from other cities and to understand more about the Commission.
After the camp, I had more tough questions than answers about my life’s direction. I wasn’t lost or confused; I just needed to be more decisive about following God.
The camp was about commission and finishing way, terms that I’ve heard since I believed in God ten years ago but never seriously considered them. I knew that God has entrusted us to build the most glorious church after His heart and He has given us a way to achieve it, but I didn’t expect to commit to this fully; I thought that I would just do the little things and let the more mature ones handle the rest. So when God, through Violin’s presentations and some hymns, asked me three serious questions, I was very moved.
“My darling, would you like to come along with Me? Do you want to strive for Me until the end despite the high demands and persecutions? Do you want to fully involve yourself in this Commission?”
These aren’t just simple questions. Each question requires actions to demonstrate my attitude towards God, such as giving up on unnecessary things or lifestyle that is harmful to my spirit, or to step up on doing His ministry and serving the church. A simple reply of “yes” or “no” is pointless.
I have believed in God for ten years–a glorious and proud milestone to many. From the emphasis of drawing near to God and practicing the precious prayers to the benefits of anchor points and beholding, I have heard about it all, but I would choose to practice some but disregard the others. I didn’t realize how blessed I am to have known these truths to enrich my relationship with God, nor did I enjoy training sessions on them. I have always believed that I can improve my relationship with God solely by experience but not through training. After all, I assume that there’s no “dating school” to help couples improve on their romance. For this reason, I missed the benefits of training, which was supposed to help me to become more skillful in practicing certain truths. That is similar to couples who seek for ways to improve their relationships or marriages through books or online.
I was born and raised in this meeting place and movement, so I am adapted to all the truths that we practice to the point of numbness. When long-time believers among us who first believed elsewhere praised about our spiritual pursuit and deemed what we have as precious, I thought they were being agreeable to this movement and wanting me to conform them. When believers from overseas who joined our movement and praised about the similar things, I just assumed that they learn whatever it was new to them. But when newer believers from elsewhere who not only have joined us and feeling blessed about our Bible-based practices, but asking us why we are not more fervent and walk on this path, I felt shameful. Yes, we are only blessed if we join this movement and walk on the finishing way, not by stepping into the meeting place. There’s no “aura” around a meeting place, only God’s presence, and it’s up to us to feel it.
The three questions that the Lord asked me on my tenth anniversary of my spiritual journey were just as crucial as the ones that the Lord asked Peter by the seashore. Unlike Peter, I should not doubt and just follow the Lord. If the one beside me has all that I desired in life, or that he or she remains till the Lord comes, what is that to me? I need to walk firmly on the finishing way.